Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Halloween Costumes: Sexy vs. Skanky

     Oh, Halloween... That one day of the year where dressing like a
complete tramp is 100% acceptable. Right? Uh, no. Just because every female within a 50-mile radius is walking around in her underwear doesn't make it any less trashy! I remember the days when people actually put thought into their Halloween outfits. Wearing costumes that are genuinely scary, like wart-nosed witches and blood soaked bats seem to be a thing of the past. Nobody cares about the scary anymore, it's all about the slutty. Even the cute & clever costumes seem to be swirling down the drain and are being replaced with knee high fishnets and spandex booty shorts. Well, ladies, there's nothing wrong with channeling your inner sexy side, but be warned! There's a fine line between looking sexy and looking skanky. Luckily, I'm here to help you walk that line... And look damn cute while you're doing it!

    Being Creative: Sexy! Yes, ladies, you CAN be sexy on Halloween night without dressing up like a Playboy bunny! Adding a little originality to your costume is always a plus. It can take your outfit from that "same ol' slutty sailor suit" to a creative, smokin' hot costume that nobody's ever seen before. You want to step out in getup people will remember for years to come. You want that "wow" factor. You want people to envy your costume itself, not just how amazing your boobs looked in it. An old neighbor of mine once strapped loads of cotton all over his body, dipped his entire top half in red dye, and went to a Halloween party cleverly disguised as a bloody tampon. It might not have been the hottest outfit of the night, but was it memorable? Um, hell yes!
Heidi Klum always does Halloween right!

    Being Cliché: Skanky! Anyone can be a "sexy nurse." A "sexy pirate." A "sexy bumblebee." I don't even know why that last one exists, but that's besides the point. You might think you look cute in your two-sizes-too-small cop uniform, but so do the other 300 girls wearing the exact same thing. Halloween slut clones are running rampant in the streets- now that is something to be afraid of! Being a clone is boring and unoriginal. Even making the tiniest changes to your outfit, like becoming a dead sailor or a sexy zombie nurse instead, will earn you major points. Halloween is not just another excuse to dress like a skank. It's not "let's role play our sexual fantasies in public" day, either. It's freakin' Halloween! Ditch that stupid french maid outfit that half the world already has hanging in their closet and show some originality!

    Sense of Humor: Sexy! There's nothing sexier than a fine looking lady with a sense of humor. Double whammy! Funny costumes bring life & energy to the room. They're excellent conversation starters, and you can show off how clever you are while showing off your fabulous figure as well! Who says funny can't be sexy? If you're stumped, here are some cute costume ideas... You can show up to a Halloween party in an elegant gown, pearls, and even fancy white gloves with a sign around your neck reading, "Apology." You're a formal apology! Or, you could try wearing a sports hat, sports jersey, and sign that says "Go Ceilings!" (Ceiling fan. Get it?) They're super cheesy of course, but that's part of the fun. You've got to be willing to poke some fun at yourself, and the ability to do that is sexy in itself. When you add some funny to your look, you'll get hands clapping in applause instead of hands feeling up your dress!

    Showing T&A: Skanky! It's the age old rule of showing skin, and I'm sure you all know it! Let me be blatant here and refresh your memory anyways: Tits or ass. Pick one. If you're wearing a low cut top and letting your ta-tas shine in all their glory, cover up your legs with some cute tights or leggings. If you're rocking those booty shorts and showing off your lovely legs, cover up the boobs a little. Just because it's Halloween doesn't mean every single female body part needs to come out and play! Wear costumes that flatter your shape, hug your curves and show off just the right amount of skin. Leaving certain things to the imagination is key. Create some mystery. Remember, there's a fine line between sexy and skanky... So have some respect for yourself (and others) by not crossing it!

Here's to looking sexy, staying classy, and keeping Halloween the way it should be!

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