Tuesday, May 1, 2012

My Little Secret

     The day I receive my wonderful and much-awaited anchor tattoo is getting closer and closer! I get butterflies in my tummy just thinking about my next little design. Yup, that's right, "next." As in... I have a tattoo already. Gasp!
     I've never mentioned this mysterious tattoo on my blog before, in fear that my mom/brother/anyone-else-who-will-yell-at-me would see it. And possibly yell at me. Since then, however, I've stopped caring what people think. I've grown a lot this past year, and I'm at a point where I feel like I have nothing to hide anymore. I'm nineteen years old. I'm smart. And I can take care of my own body. I've had this pretty little tattoo for almost a year now, might as well be proud of it. So here it is in all it's glory! (Sorry, mom!)

   That's right folks! I've got a quarter-sized tattoo of a sparrow on my right thigh. I got it done last Summer when I was 18. My best friend and I decided to get tattooed one day, out of the blue. We found a tattoo shop that was doing $15 tattoos for their 15th anniversary, drove all the way out to La Mirada (I think!), walked inside and went for it. I didn't even know what I was getting until I went in & chose a tiny little sparrow design from the flash book. Done and done! It was the definition of 18 year-old spontaniety.
     Even though the tattoo meant virtually nothing to me at the time, it's gained plenty of meaning this past year. For example, I chose a sparrow while my best friend Carrie chose a feather. Birds of a feather! Eh? Ehhhh? I didn't realize this one 'till much later. My sparrow has also come to represent being young & wild & free. (I typed that last part in Snoop Dogg's voice, by the way.) Doing what I want no matter what people think. Especially things like going out and getting random tattoos. Makes sense.

    My little sparrow also now marks a specific time period in my life. Although I wouldn't dare go into detail about my personal life on a public website, the people closest to me know that the past year or two has been absolutely insane for me. And I sincerely wish I could write about it. I wish I could spill all my stories, struggles and situations onto this blog. But I can't. The cheery, picture-perfect life I put on display for you guys to see is only the tip of the iceberg. And this iceberg descends into deeper and darker waters than most people will ever know. It gets bad.
    Anyways, I'll stop myself there before I get all poetic and emotional. I went through a weeklong phase where I started panicking about my body being inked forever... FOREVER... Ahhh! But that didn't last long at all. I don't regret this little sparrow guy one bit. I love him. He'll be perched on my skin until the day I die, and so will the memories attached. For better or for worse, but you can't pretend they never happened. It doesn't just signify the bad times I've been faced with... But me being set free from them all. Which is where I'm headed.

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