Sunday, May 6, 2012

10 Ways to Heal After a Bad Breakup

     I may or may not be writing this post for my own benefit. (Shhhhh.) But seriously, judging by the four hours of Real Housewives of New Jersey I watched last night and the numerous M&M wrappers lining my bedroom floor, I'd say it's time to start moving on. It's always hard when you put all your energy & dedication into something that ends up falling apart in the end, but it happens to the best of us. And everything happens for a reason, dammit.
     I've been brainstorming a few different ways to help heal a broken heart--so read it and (don't) weep!

     1. Cry. Unfortunately, there is no shortcut to happiness. Sometimes we just need to be miserable for a while. So cry if you feel like it! Punch a pillow! Rip stuff up! Just make sure it's nothing important first!

     2. Clear out the stuff. All of the stuff. Throw away that teddy bear he gave you at the carnival. Rip the pictures off your bulletin board. Destroy anything and everything in your posession that reminds you of him. Bye bye! Re-reading old letters or text messages over & over again won't do you any good, it will only prolong your misery and pour salt on the wounds. As much as it sucks, the first step to letting go of him is to let go of all his stuff. Yes, even the expensive stuff. (But you might wanna sell that instead.)

     3. Keep busy! This tip should probably be #1, because it sure does work wonders! (Hell, what do you think I'm doing right now? Writing a blog about breakups during my breakup to help me get over my breakup. Phew!) It could be writing like me, hangin' out with friends, shopping with your momma, jogging, reading, creating, watching movies, talking on the phone, running on the treadmill, watching the Bad Girl's Club, texting, cooking, absolutely anything! Just as long as you're doing something. Idle hands are the Devil's playthings. Which translates into--If you sit around & do nothing, you're bound to think about him. Which leads to calling him. Which leads to other bad things. So keep yourself busy, sista!

     4. Surround yourself with good people. I don't know about you guys, but I have a very bad habit of becoming so absorbed in my relationships that I leave my friends in the dust without even realizing it. Now is the time you need happy, optimistic, inspiring people around you the most--so make it up to them! You might not feel like going out--hell, you might not even feel like cracking a smile or picking up the phone to call. But by the end of the night, you'll be much happier falling asleep with a great day behind you than falling asleep on a mountain of candy wrappers and tears. I promise.

     5. Watch a comedy. A few Summers back, I had my heart crushed and stepped on by a boy I was absolutely crazy about. I was devastated. I kid you not, the only thing that dried my tears during that horrible time was the movie "Funny People." It just happened to be playing on FX as I was trying to drown my sorrows in a looooong nap... but I couldn't resist watching it. And before I knew it, I had completely forgotten about my unfortunate reality for a good 90 minutes or so. Hell, the movie wasn't even that funny--but anything lighthearted and comedic is like a painkiller for a hurting soul. Laughter is such a comfort. Even if you feel like you might not laugh again for another ten years, just try it--what do you have to lose?

     6. Control your thoughts. I'm going to sound like a crazy-spiritual-stoner-ghandi-like chick for a minute, but just bear with me. You are what you think about. Your thoughts are what control your life. If you think happy thoughts, you will be a happy person. If you plague your mind with worries, well, guess what? You'll make yourself miserable. Your main goal right now is to change your way of thinking. Snap outta that "poor, poor me" phase and start thinking about the big picture. What are some positive aspects coming out of this terrible time? More free time for yourself? No more emptying your bank account for some cheap douchebag? Finally got a chance to talk to that super cute boy from the park? Since my last relationship happened to be terrible and insane, this step is pretty damn easy for me. I can think of about 100 great, amazing new things that came out of this breakup. (Including all three of the above, hehe!) Can you?

     7. Make a change. Once you get over the snot-nosed-red-cheeked-puffy-eyed stage of the breakup, the next step is to begin moving on with your life. A lovely way to accomplish that is to make a change. Dye your hair the color you've always wanted. Buy yourself a new outfit and screw the cost. (Just this once!) Re-arrange your furniture. Get a spa pedicure. Bust your ass at the gym. Get out of your city. Get back in touch with old friends & family. It could be anything, no matter how huge or tiny. Nobody is holding you back from blossoming into the person you want to be, and now's the perfect time to start your journey.

     8. Forget about revenge. Do things because they make YOU happy and because YOU want to do them. Not because it will make him mad, or make him jealous, or because you want revenge. No matter how bad he hurt you, there's no point in attempting to get even. Don't stoop down to his level, stay up at yours. After all, the best revenge is a happy life. Hold your head high, recognize that it's his loss--not yours--and remember girl... It ain't nothin' but a hair flip.

     9. Promise yourself to stay away--and keep your promises. You are now single for a reason. The longer you drag out the breakup, the longer you will be miserable. Sure, I understand! All you wanna do is go back to what's familiar. To hug him, talk to him on the phone, or smell his cologne one more time. Just one more time. But that one time will turn into two, then three, then forever if you don't learn to let go. It will be hard, but it's not impossible. Stay away. And if it's really, truly meant to be... It will happen someday.

     10. Flirt. I don't care what anybody says, a little flirting never hurt anyone. Talkin' with a new dude after your old one made you feel like crap will do wonders for your self-esteem. It's not a crime, and it doesn't make you a slut. In fact, it's one of the only things thats keeping me sane at the moment. I'm still hurt, but having a boy who treats me good waiting on the other end sure puts a light at the end of this tunnel. On the flip side, getting serious or sleeping with someone 30 seconds after a breakup isn't the best idea in the world. Keep it light, happy and without any strings attached--until your ready to attach them again, that is!

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