Sunday, November 20, 2011


I feel stuck. There's no other word I could possibly think of to describe my feelings more than that. Just simply "stuck". I know my current situation may not compare to being a starving child in Ethiopia, but it's my blog and I'll throw my personal life out there if I want to. Right? Well, I guess I had this crazy idea in my mind that once I got into college, once I turned 18, once I got out of the hell hole they call high school, that my life would undergo some big transformation and I'd fly away on the wings of independence... Hahaha, wrong. I'm legally an adult now & can stay out on the town for a week straight if I please, but that's about it. I don't have my own place. I don't have a car. I don't have a job. I don't have my license. Hell, I don't even have my California ID! Independence? It's not quite as easy as it sounds, especially with all the distractions and temptations in this innocent looking city. Note to self: Don't raise future kids in Long Beach. My life was on the fast track to somewhere amazing a few years back, but it's almost like someone derailed the train. I'm pretty sure that person was me. I've gotten caught up. I've gotten too comfortable. I've gotten involved with the wrong people, been in the wrong places, and adopted the wrong state of mind. I'm sick and tired of walking a tight rope. I'm tired of leading five separate lives, I'm tired of putting on a fake face, I'm just tired in general. This is either going to end terribly or end with a lesson learned and a smarter girl. There is no middle ground, but somehow I've managed to walk on it for the past two years. It's becoming increasingly difficult. I don't want to be a slave to a physical thing anymore. I want my life back, my personality back, I want my old friends back, and I want to get moving again. It's time to get out of this strange dark rabbit hole I've somehow fallen into, and time to get started with my life again. Even if it takes me a little longer than everyone else. And even if I mess up along the way. After spending years in between a rock and a hard place... It's about time I got un-stuck.

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