New Years Resolutions!

     Alright, so I caved... I made some New Year's resolutions. As cheesy and short lived as resolutions usually are, just a couple can't hurt. I came into 2012 in a shitty state of mind. Newly single, a bit drunk, in a room full of couples and alone when the clock struck midnight. It was a fun party, but it's hard to enjoy yourself when you know something doesn't feel quite right. New year's eve wasn't the greatest, but I'm feeling much more inspired on the 2nd of January instead. I just came back from a lovely dinner with two great friends & felt like I needed to write something, so here goes nothing... My 2012 resolutions!

     1. Be happy. Whatever I do, wherever I end up at the end of the day. I want to stop dwelling on things that happened years ago and just be happy. You're only 18 once, and I feel like I'm dealing with things most people my age haven't even had nightmares about yet. I want to enjoy my time, and find a way to blossom wherever I go. Might take awhile to figure this one out.
     2. Look like barbie. JUST KIDDING! There's no way in hell I'd ever want to look like Barbie, but I would like to get in shape. Yep, just like everyone else for new years. I'm planning on hitting the gym way more often than usual, which means more than once a year. I've got a free pass to the best gym around, what the heck am I waiting for?
     3. Ace all my classes Spring semester. I skated by on pretty thin ice last semester. I was a straight-A student for about a month, and it all went downhill once the "omgz first year of college" buzz wore off. This coming semester, I'm not gonna let myself slip. I worked my ass off to get into this university, and I'm sure as hell not going to stop now. I will keep up on all my reading, I will ATTEND ALL my classes, I will make time for homework. It's hard, but in a few years life will get easier.
     4. Find my "thing." After wasting countless hours sitting around on park benches and apartment floors, I've somehow lost my spark. I was filling out a job application for Dollar Tree the other day, and it asked for my hobbies and interests. I honestly couldn't think of anything. Not one thing. It made me pretty sad. I used to be a star student, I played tennis, I won medals and awards, I won art contests and read books... Now? I don't have any hobbies. I don't have any interests. All I do is creep around Long Beach doing stupid shit with stupid people. I need to find a passion, something to keep me busy and something to give me a reason to wake up in the morning.
     5. Get my life back. You know those stupid girls who distance themselves from the whole entire world once they get a boyfriend? The ones you used to hangout with every single day, and after they meet prince charming you're lucky to get a phone call or text once in awhile? The ones that would drop you in a second if their man comes a' calling? I'm ashamed to admit that I've become one of those girls. When you make someone your everything, you'll be left with nothing once they walk out the door. Unfortunately, I've learned this the hard way. I miss my old life & my old friends, and I'm determined to get them back ASAP!

Me, Currently!

I look like shit right now, so here's a photo from a few months back!

     Obsessing over: Okay, this is pretty embarrassing... The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!!! I am so obsessed with this show. I've even somehow forced my mom to start watching it, and now she can't get enough! There's just something about watching a bunch of middle aged women act like high schoolers that captures my interest. I'm also obsessed with my new Urban Decay Naked Palette! I'm absolutely in love with it, so many gorgeous colors! One last obsession... Oreo shakes. Those are the best.

     Working on: Myself. I desperately want change! And I want it now! I'm planning on going out for job applications tomorrow or the next day, learning to drive stick shift and get my license, working on my resumé, applying for an internship at a local newspaper, and finishing up this semester with a bang. On top of that, I'm planning a workout schedule that I'll actually stick to for once. I'm also getting my hair done (my one and only Xmas present from mom, so it'd better turn out good!) I want my life to change, and it's not going to happen by sitting around doing nothing. I'm kicking into high gear.

     Thinking about: All the oh-so-productive things I should be doing instead of this. Oh well, life is short!

     Anticipating: The Xmas season! Even though money's extremely (and I mean extremely) tight, I still love the Xmas season. Bundling up in cozy sweaters & scarves, walking around in my badass boots, drinking hot tea lattes... Yeah, you get the picture. I'm also anticipating dinner because I haven't eaten anything all day!

     Listening to: "Old Friend" by Rancid, cars passing by outside my window, and the little "ding" of my Facebook chat thing every so often. 

     Drinking: Nothing?

     Wishing: Fuck wishing, it's bad for the soul. I'm gonna go after everything I want!

Stuck!

I feel stuck. There's no other word I could possibly think of to describe my feelings more than that. Just simply "stuck". I know my current situation may not compare to being a starving child in Ethiopia, but it's my blog and I'll throw my personal life out there if I want to. Right? Well, I guess I had this crazy idea in my mind that once I got into college, once I turned 18, once I got out of the hell hole they call high school, that my life would undergo some big transformation and I'd fly away on the wings of independence... Hahaha, wrong. I'm legally an adult now & can stay out on the town for a week straight if I please, but that's about it. I don't have my own place. I don't have a car. I don't have a job. I don't have my license. Hell, I don't even have my California ID! Independence? It's not quite as easy as it sounds, especially with all the distractions and temptations in this innocent looking city. Note to self: Don't raise future kids in Long Beach. My life was on the fast track to somewhere amazing a few years back, but it's almost like someone derailed the train. I'm pretty sure that person was me. I've gotten caught up. I've gotten too comfortable. I've gotten involved with the wrong people, been in the wrong places, and adopted the wrong state of mind. I'm sick and tired of walking a tight rope. I'm tired of leading five separate lives, I'm tired of putting on a fake face, I'm just tired in general. This is either going to end terribly or end with a lesson learned and a smarter girl. There is no middle ground, but somehow I've managed to walk on it for the past two years. It's becoming increasingly difficult. I don't want to be a slave to a physical thing anymore. I want my life back, my personality back, I want my old friends back, and I want to get moving again. It's time to get out of this strange dark rabbit hole I've somehow fallen into, and time to get started with my life again. Even if it takes me a little longer than everyone else. And even if I mess up along the way. After spending years in between a rock and a hard place... It's about time I got un-stuck.

The A-Z of Zoe

A. Age? Eighteen. Barely legal, but still legal!


B. Best friends? I have three best friends right now, including my boyfriend. I've got hundreds of acquaintances, but only three people I'd call my best friends. I absolutely adore them. Thanks for putting up with me, ladiez! And sweetie!


C. Chore you hate? I refuse, refuse, refuse to do the dishes! I'll clean the damn toilet bowl with my bare hands before I do the dishes. I just can't handle soggy food, bits of crumbs, or anything like that. BLEH.


D. Dogs? I have a long-haired chihuahua named Ozzy, but he's totally my mom's dog. I had a doberman my entire childhood, and she was MY dog. I loved that dog more than anything and she protected me with everything she had. I want another doberman as soon as I move out! The are the friendliest, kindest, most badass dogs you could ever own! Nobody will fuck with you if they see a doberman by your side.


E. Essential start to your day: Wake up before 7AM, shower and get pretty, drink hazelnut coffee out of my special mug, check facebook/blog/email, maybe do some yoga, a little something to eat, and I'm outta there!


F. Favorite color? I'm really into dark brown right now. Dark, chestnut brown. All the Autumn colors are gorgeous as well.


G. Gold or Silver? Gold, gold, gold. Or silver with a warm-colored gem. I look terrible in blue, purple, and other cool colors.

H. Height? Not too tall, not too short.


I. Instruments you play? Guitar, piano, clarinet, bass, cello, keyboard, dulcimer, drums, and harp when I can get my hands on one! Note: You said instruments I play, not instruments I'm good at playing.


J. Job title? University student, majoring in Journalism.


K. Kids? I'm only 18 years old, but one my biggest goals in life is to have a beautiful baby! I can't wait to be a mommy, and do all the mommy things, and raise a child. I'm going to be a MILF.


L. Live? Long Beach, California.


M. Mother’s name? Teresa, that's all you gotta know!


N. Nicknames: Zoe + Mofo = Zofo. I'm also frequently called "hunny" and "sweetie." Hehe.


O. Obstacle you're facing? I want to move out on my own, but it seems nearly impossible. It's hard enough to get a job, let alone juggle one with school, and even after I got that down, rent in Long Beach is way way high!


P. Pet peeves? When people say "no offense" right before they say something really, really offensive. When girls give off bitchy vibes for no apparent reason other than the fact that I too, am a girl. When fuckin' people fuckin' cuss in every other damn word of their fuckin' vocabulary. Not an exaggeration, I knew a few people who sound just like that. Lastly, when people copy me. I'm not stupid, be yourself. Please.


Q. Quote from a movie: "I'm the most dangerous man in prison. You know why? 'Cause I control the underwear." From my all-time favorite movie, American History X.


R. Right or left handed: Right handed, just like everybody else.


S. Siblings: One badass 38 year-old brother that I love dearly. 


U. Underwear? I have a lucky thong. I wore it on the first day of school. That was a good day.


V. Vegetable you love: ALL of them! I had some vegetarian chili today at school, and it was amazing. Cauliflower, potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, corn, everything.

W. What makes you run late? I never run late, darling. I wake up early & give myself LOTS of leeway time in the morning. 

X. X-Boyfriends? I can put them all into three simple categories for you: Gay, mentally disturbed or drug addict. Good riddance.

Y. Yesterday? Yesterday was Sunday. I had a relaxing day at the park with my hunny, watched a few TV shows together on my iPad, walked home, finished up some notes and slept my little heart away. Sundays are for calm and peace.

Z. Zodiac sign? I'm a full blown pisces. People say astrology is bullshit, but why is my sign so damn accurate!? My daily horoscopes are always right as well. Creepy.

Girlz Day Out

     Today, me and a couple of best friends decided to be tourists in our own city. We discovered a new (and should I say freakin' amazing) café which we will definitely be returning to soon, rode the city bus all over town, and roamed around the streets 'till our little footsies were ready to fall off. I was an annoying photographer all day. Take a picture of this! Take a picture of that! Ahhhh! Here are the end results.

An eerie-looking house we passed by on the way to the restaurant. The only downside of this city is the sketchy feeling it brings. We're known for our "lock-your-car-doors-when-you drive-down-this-street" neighborhoods. Our ghettos are famous, seriously. Listen to Snoop Dogg.

An upside of this city? IT'S AWESOME! There's surprises around every corner. Like this sexy vintage Ford, parked right in front of the creepy house!

I would have bought this whole store if it wasn't so damn expensive. A tiny handmade ring was $45 dollars, so I didn't even look at anything else. Vintage gold necklaces and soft leather wallets, sparkling gems & stones, embroidered tops and gorgeous rings. Heaven for a girl like me!

The Coffee Cup Café! And the huge waiting list...

But you know what? It was worth it. Look at this. Breakfast burrito with rice, beans, egg, cheese, carnitas, salsa, avocado, sour cream and breakfast potatoes. My new favorite food.

We split the burrito, and couldn't even finish our halves.

We have this weekly phenomena here called the "pile sale." It's pretty self-explanatory: A humongous mountain of clothes you can dig through as you please! They aren't the cutest clothes on the block, but you can find a gem if you search deep enough.

Don't me and Jennifer look like cool hipsters standing next to street art? Yeah, bitches.

I love this shit. Shopping at retro row. They have all my favorite things in one place: Vintage items, rockabilly spice, day of the dead accessories and eccentric objects. Not to mention the jewelry. Oh, the jewelry.

Taking mirror pictures with Jennifer in the window of a Medical Marijuana Clinic? I think yes.

I spy something naughty.

Three bus rides, cinnamon rolls and lots of laughs later, we ended the day with a hippie circle on the grass by the ocean. My best friends are so pwetty. The end.